Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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