I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
