:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
