No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
