Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
