im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Enjoy the penises
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
