hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
