Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
