so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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