so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
