You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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