So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
