Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
