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If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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