I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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