Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Will exercising make me less horny?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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