found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
