Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Randomize
