just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
