These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
