I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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