Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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