Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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