im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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