I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
