I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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