our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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