I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
