why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
