we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
