words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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