I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
