well I can't set my house on fire every night
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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