Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
