I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
