Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
