I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The power of my boobs compel you
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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