and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
