you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
