I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
