Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
