here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
