I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
