so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
