no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
