so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
