so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
