I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
