May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
