well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize