In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
