I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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