I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You may now shotgun with the bride
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
