its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
